You’ll Never Get Rid of Conflict, So Learn to Engage It Better

Part One: The new “How to Tend and Befriend Conflict” series. If you think you know how to deal with conflict, think again.

Michele DeMarco, PhD
5 min readApr 16, 2021
Volcano with rainbow multun lava.

Today kicks off what I’m calling the “Tend and Befriend Conflict” column : A four-part series that will change the way you understand, navigate, and engage the conflict in your life. The good news is that it works for all types of conflict: personal, professional, and in the broader community. Would love to hear what you think.

When I was young, I had three approaches to conflict. One was to yell, “Stop it!” (pronounced stauuuupit) in my best Whiners Family voice at whoever was irking me. A second was to try to talk out a problem with another person, but I’d often get so worked up in the moment that the words I wanted wouldn’t come. And the third was to run to my Harry-Potter-like cubby beneath the stairs in my house where a Strawberry Shortcake sleeping bag, flashlight, and Nancy Drew mystery could convince me that all would be okay when eventually I did emerge. None of these approaches were especially helpful.

In my work as a mediator, therapist, and clinical ethicist, I’ve come to see that I was not alone in my failed strategies to deal with life’s challenges or tension. What’s…

--

--

Michele DeMarco, PhD

Award-winning writer, therapist, clinical ethicist, and researcher specializing in moral injury. I talk about the stuff many won’t. micheledemarco.com