It’s only hard because it matters that much — I recently had to have a medical test that I really didn’t want to have. No, that’s not even close to accurate; “really” could never describe the level of soul-paralyzing fear I felt in the lead up to that day. Every hour was black, filled with dreaded anticipation about what…

The space in between us and another person, us and ourselves, and us and life may look like ordinary air, but don’t ever treat it that way. — I never considered what the descent into madness looks like, but as they say, you know it when you see it. The space that surrounded the madman and I was the size of small conference room, only it was well lit with natural light, thanks to a large window that…

The fascinating science of silence and why it’s healthier to embrace it than fight it — I used to think he was ignoring me, or else that he just didn’t hear me, so I would repeat myself. This “he” is my boyfriend, and almost without fail, any question I ask is met with prolonged silence. Early in our relationship, when this silent scenario played out, each…

The everyday magic of noticing in a society consumed by distraction and productivity. — There is no better balm for the soul than quiet (or maybe a giant hug). But in an era of white noise, who has time for the soul when it’s all but impossible to think, feel, see, and listen. We’re tethered to devices, distracted by doomscrolling, in a panic to…

Life lessons from my not-so-zen dad — “Waves come in sets of seven…” This was the first piece of advice my father gave me when I was a little girl. He was an architect, a young one at the time, with dreams of modern structures and box houses like Mies van der Rohe’s. Only we lived in…

Why Nietzsche knew music is cheaper than therapy — See a dog upon the road Running hard to catch a cat Car is pulling to a halt Truck behind me doesn’t know Everything is in the balance Of a moment I can’t control And your sympathetic strings Are like the stirrings in my soul… I could go at anytime …

The new science on human goodness — I ditched my cable subscription in May. If I had to hear one more antagonistic screaming head or screaming politician or screaming anything who pits one person or one side against another purposefully for ratings or dramatic effect, I was going to lose it — seriously. …

“Courage is found in the quiet moment between stimulus and response, and only when we keep ourselves in a grounded, intentional place of confidence and choice by metabolizing fear.” — Throughout millennia, courage has been universally admired. From Aristotle, who heralded it as “the first of human virtues because it makes all others possible,” to Biblical narratives, ancient myths, and fairy tales; film, fiction, and poetry; and historical accounts and personal stories, our human culture is steeped in inspirational tales…

11 Things to do — and NOT do — to ensure that your relationship lasts when loss or adversity strikes. — Many of us have been there — the awkward moment when someone we care for is deep in despair. Maybe their eyes are red and wet, or their shoulders are rounded and shaking. Maybe their chest is heaving through shallow breaths or their head and neck are limp, as if…

These 3 Harmful Personas Block Resilience — It’s a wet, chilly night in Mendocino, California. The tiny, enchanted town, perched with quiet confidence atop the rocky Pacific shoreline has all but shut down for the eve. A few local “misfits and mavericks,” as they are affectionately called, dim the lights in their shops, turn the “Open” sign…

The soulful science behind woulda, coulda, shoulda — Which is worse: regretting what you did or didn’t do? Which is harder to live with: a misstep or a missed opportunity? This is a writing prompt I’ve used in a class I teach called “Writing Your World.” The best writing prompts are evocative, and because much of life writing…

Balancing head and heart is key to making the “right” decision. Here’s how it’s done. — When I think back to some of the most pivotal moments in my life, I realize how profoundly different the outcomes were when I paused to really consider the decision in front of me. Hard won wisdom has taught me that a gut instinct — which is a good thing…

Part One: The new “How to Tend and Befriend Conflict” series. If you think you know how to deal with conflict, think again. — Today kicks off what I’m calling the “Tend and Befriend Conflict” column : A four-part series that will change the way you understand, navigate, and engage the conflict in your life. The good news is that it works for all types of conflict: personal, professional, and in the broader community…

Adversity has a way of making us loom and gloom. Here’s how to recalibrate. My Dad told me when I was young that waves come in sets of seven, and if ever I found myself caught in the undertow and struggling to find air and in a panic to look…